The Friendship Obituaries

Do you remember the first friendship to die?

We were in the 2nd grade and the murder was accidental. Or at least, I hadn’t considered the consequences of my actions.

In the lunch line I kissed a boy on top of his head. He was short with blue black hair and big blue eyes. I was the tallest kid in the class.

He was horrified.

My best friend, S., was angry. She liked him too, and the two of them were the same height.

S did eventually speak to me again, but the friendship died. I didn’t understand why she was so mad. It wasn’t as if the boy had then suddenly decided he liked me!

The last I remember of S was our sophomore year in high school. We hadn’t spoken in years and I saw in her the hallway. She was pregnant.

We never did speak again.

But in the 2nd grade we were best friends.


Do you remember your first best friend?


11 responses to “The Friendship Obituaries

  1. Another S. She arrived the year I was 8 and was silly enough to befriend me – silly because that meant she was bullied a bit, too. And I did all the silly things she wanted me to because she was my only friend. There was no murder, we just drifted apart. We never did have much in common.

    • Well, if she knew she’d be bullied if she befriended you, then she wasn’t silly, she was brave. She also wasn’t silly because from the very little I know about you, you’d make a good friend.

      Sometimes we can be friends with someone when we don’t have much in common. Maybe sometimes we only need a few things in common anyway. What is that magic number of things?

  2. I’ve been thinking about this topic since yesterday. I’ve had quite a few friendships end, abruptly and slowly, but for some reason I can’t wrap my head around eulogizing them. Most of the endings were my fault, I think. Maybe that’s why. Another reason is probably that I’ve been working on letting go of people who’ve faded in my life, and so I’ve already written the obituary in my head. Also, I’ve been feeling quite internal.

    I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking about it and turning it over and reading with interest.

    • The older we get, the more experience we have with loss. Sometimes I think there is a fault when a friendship ends, but much of the time things just change. Time passes. Whatever need that friendship met is no longer there. No fault anywhere.

      Letting go is often wise.

  3. Holy Matilda – completely remade template!

    (One good thing: I could never find the link in the old template to the RSS feed/subscription. So I’ve been subscribed to the Asylum only via email. Which has been working fine… except that my blog reading-and-commenting time is tied NOT to my mail Inbox, but to my Google Reader feed. Result: I almost NEVER have been getting here to comment! Now that I’ve found that (very modest) link to the feed, up there at the top left, maybe I’ll be better about visiting regularly. And yes, I know, you’re not keeping score. :))

    Anyway, to the topic at hand.

    I don’t think I’ve ever had a friendship outright BREAK. That business about “I don’t want you as a friend anymore. Please don’t contact me” — that was, well, no, I thought it was… can I say… weird? The only relationships I’ve had in which I or the other party said, flat-out to the other person’s face, “No more!” — they were all romantic ones.

    Now, I have had friendships sort of trail off. A week of no contact turns into a month, and then a year, and eventually it feels like it would be just flat-out too hard to know what to talk about anymore. This is especially true of friendships built mostly around work: when one of you changes jobs, although of course it also applies to people who move away. Even with e-communications and FB etc., keeping up — remaining friends — with people can be really hard work.

    • Well, I wonder if women are more likely to use this to end a friendship than men are. We do approach friendship differently after all. But regardless of gender we’ve all had the fade out of a friendship. That is understandable. Keeping up IS hard work.!

  4. [I think I may be confused about something, maybe with the new template. All of a sudden it’s asking me for my password, which I never needed to use before. So I jumped through the hoops necessary to do that and now it appears to have lost the comment I DID post. So, like I said. Confused. Sigh. :)]

  5. My first best friend was a girl that was about a half year older than me. She lived a few houses away, across a small wide street. Lynnie Moore. I think her father was ex-military, from his muscles, & ramrod straight posture and haircut. Lynnie got to go to Kindergarten before I did because my stupid birthday was in the wrong part of the year and they wouldn’t let me in till I turned 5. I was so jealous! I’d ask her everything about it, I wanted to go with her so badly.

    She had some brothers but no sisters, and my hazy memory of her is that she sort of looked like a prettier Peppermint Patty. We played at her house most of the time. My family was new in the neighborhood, with just a mom and no dad, so we may have seemed a little dicey. Just after I got to go to Kindergarten, finally, her family moved and I never saw or heard from her again. Then I stole my cousin’s best friend Sue for my own.

    • Oh that stupid birthday rule! I actually started kindergarten at 4. It took years for me to ask my dad how that happened because I know 5 was the cut off. He told me that they district was going to let a few kids in early to see how they did in school, if being four or five made a difference.

      Now, I don’t know if this is true because I don’t remember anyone ever saying anything about to me ever. I was just forever the youngest girl in my class (but the tallest).

      Also, it sounds like you have s story there about your cousin.

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