Round and round she went, they said…

Today a friend of 25 years informed me she no longer wanted to be my friend. I’m not to contact her again. The reasons are guesses. Perhaps I paid too much attention to other things. Maybe she’s cutting herself off from a difficult past. Maybe something is going on in her life she doesn’t want me to know. 

It isn’t just me. A couple of other friends have been told never to contact her again. What does one say when this happens? Let her go or insist on an explanation?

She used to make up poems. 

Round and round she went, they said,

with anything under the sun.

But when came down to it,

she didn’t at all.

She made that up while we were hanging out in our dorm room. For some reason it stuck in my head, and decades later I still remember it. 

I wish her well.


8 responses to “Round and round she went, they said…

  1. After 25 years, you deserve an explanation. But like I have told so many others, you cannot control other people. This is very sad. But perhaps best just to let it go.

  2. Friendships have always been a challenge to me, and things like this are why. It’s difficult to imagine it’s anything to do with you. Hopefully one day she will figure out how to better handle her problems and reach out instead of shutting down.

    I am sorry to hear it happened though. Friends can break our hearts in ways few others can.

    • While not being someone comfortable in her own skin and often feeling awkward in social situations and generally convinced I’ve said something stupid, all that and still I’ve usually been good at getting along with people and making a friend. And I tend to just like everybody. Well, almost everybody.

      But not all friends are the same, and she has a special place in my history…Together her and I and two other friends were our own special group, our own Fab Four, and we used to joke that we’d be our own Golden Girls when we got old. That she has decided the best thing she can do is to end it, bluntly, is indeed heartbreaking.

  3. If it was just you then I would question whether she has misunderstood something you said or did, but as it’s others too, she cleary has something going on in her life. She obviously has her reasons, and keeping in mind that she has been a friend for so long, I think I would say something like “I will respect your decision and not contact you, but just know that I am here if you do ever want to talk about this”. That way, if she has got something awful going on in her life, you haven’t firmly closed the door behind her. Depends how magnanimous you feel of course!

    • Thanks, Vanessa. Yes, that is something close to what I said. I said I was sorry if I’d failed her as a friend, but I’d respect her wish and not contact her again. I told her I’d always valued our friendship and wished her well in wherever she went in life.

      Part of me does feel like yelling, “How can you do this to me?” but I know you can’t yell at broken things and fix them. Whatever she has going on in her life, I hope that she ends up in a better place.

  4. I’ve thought about separating myself from a difficult past in this way, but as I’m seeking a life in the public, I don’t see the point. And I always think, “But they’re not having the problem, I am,” and I don’t unfriend them. Because then I’d have to explain and I wouldn’t be able to, and it would end up making us both feel weird…

    Anyway, I’m sure it’s nothing you’ve done. And if it is, well…that’s her problem, and I don’t mean that in a dismissive way.

    • Well, I’ve had similar moments in life, but generally when I’m depressed or pained by a particular memory–then I put things in perspective and, like you, reminded myself they weren’t the one with the problem. And yes, I’ve let a few friendship fade away, but as we grow and change that seems like a normal part of life, and the door is always open to meet again and rediscover made us friends.

      I have ended a few friendships, but those have always had clear moments the other person and I could both point to as to why we weren’t speaking. I was sad in those situations too, but at least knew why the break happened.

      This blunt ending of such a long friendship has been much harder.

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