The Most Expensive Dog Toothpaste Ever

Sadie ripped Porter’s ear with her teeth. Earlier, my son reached for something to shove under the bathroom door as a joke, and he knocked the doggie toothpaste to the floor. He didn’t notice it.

Porter and Sadie

Sadie loves dog toothpaste. You can’t actually brush her teeth because she struggles too much to eat the paste.

I was washing dishes when Sadie found the toothpaste on the floor. She was chewing away on the tube when Porter came over to investigate. The attack ensued.

My son screamed and the dogs tried to kill each other.

I dumped a pot of soapy water on them. They separated, but one of them lunged again. I grabbed the dogs’ water bowls and threw them. Water soaked the dogs, the sofa, the carpet, and the shelves. Everyone was breathing hard.

Blood from Porter’s ear spotted a cabinet door.

At the edge of the splash zone were our two laptops. A few drops of water streaked the tops of them, but they were closed, and I thought–no harm done there.

I took care of the dogs, my son, and the dishes. I sat down with my laptop and used it a while. When the power got down to below 40%, I decided to charge it.

It wouldn’t charge. After trying various things, I had to take the MacBook in to be repaired, pay more money than I had to spare, and live for days, DAYS, without my Mac.

Years of my life were happy without computers and the Internet in them. Well, such is life today. Some people lived happy lives before TV and independence from England. You can’t go back.

So now that I have my portal into cyberspace back, what do I do? I’m feeling more and more pressure to go ahead and opt for the e-publishing path…

But I can barely get people who know me to read my work…

My laptop holds most all of my writing. Most of them are backed up one way or another, but if I’d lost the Mac, I’d have lost a lot. But it made me wonder what I’d do without all my stories. What would you do if you lost everything you’d written?

The End of the World! (Or at least of this tiny spot over here that has world-like qualities)

I have these moments where my failures at publishing feel like the end of everything.

I have let these failures trip me up and tie me down. I’ve hardly written anything worthwhile in over a month. It is ridiculous. My writing life is not exactly fuel for the universe.

Writing is just spending some time putting some lines on some paper instead of watching TV. Plenty of people work really hard to put stuff on TV for us to watch.

Anyway.

Would it be the end of everything if I gave up this publishing path and just posted a few things on my blog and moved on? Does it matter?

I spent a lot of time convincing myself that I could handle as much rejection as the world could dish out.

Now I’m feeling less enamored of the whole process.

Everything happens for a reason?

bunnies on strings

People often tell me everything happens for a reason. I suspect that trapped in a torture chamber I wouldn’t agree.

Does this publishing thing keep not working out because it is meant to be? Perhaps. It is starting to feel that way.

Maybe that’s what happens in a torture chamber–you start to think you deserve to be there and maybe you do.

But then again, I’m not in my best mood so am leaning toward dark and ridiculous thoughts.

In the summer an agent asked for some pages. I sent them. The pages got lost. I took the opportunity to polish the pages yet again and then sent them off that second time. Those pages got lost. It is unclear if either time they ever reached their destination. But since I’m reasonably good at copying down an address and writing my return address as well, it is hard to believe that twice the pages got lost in the mail. But maybe they did.

In any case, the whole thing felt not-meant-to-be. Those pages were lost for a reason.

And I can’t spend more money on ink, paper, and postage.

For the time being I may focus on hanging bunnies from strings.

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And you? Do you believe everything happens for a reason?